I've been noticing lately how my body is changing a LOT. As you get older I've noticed things tend to be sore a little longer, or you get pains for no reason. When I think about the "Gay Bar" lifestyle there are many changes there as well.
Take for instance, when you're about 15 to 17 years old. People in the "gay world" refer to you as "Jailbait". Meaning if they touch.. it's off to jail.! I guess thats a great name seeing how it foretells your future if you should be so stupid to mess around with someone so young!.. Honestly.. what are the benefits? You get some kid who falls in love with you, then begins nagging about wanting to go see the newest comedy about being in High School, then he gets jealous when you have to go to work and you can't take him to the mall only to then walk around like some lost soul in search of a new pair of shoes... Really... People who go for the jailbait deserve what they get!. Papa Jones in the cell next to you talking about how you're his new Jailbait. Get over it guys..
That brings me to the next cycle in the bar evolution of a new homosexual.. the "Chicken". NOW.. Here is where the lines blurrrr. People consider a "chicken" to be someone who is 18 (legal) to about 20 something. Thats where the line is blurred. No one really knows the real age of no longer being a chicken, but who cares? At this age you learn the rules of getting into clubs free (by flirting with the older guy at the door), getting free drinks (by flirting and pretending to be stupid.. guys love that) and then the art of being able to dance around with your shirt off and no one ever telling you that you look like a total whore, Why?.. because he's a chicken.. young, dumb, and .. well I won't finish that line. You get the idea that being a "Chicken" is the era of getting things for free.
The next stage is the stage that I'm currently living.. the "Pork" stage 30-40.. meaning, we have to scrounge around snorting our noses up at the young little Chickens that seem to get everything that we "used" to get. At our age, we MIGHT be able to get into a bar for free but ONLY if it's the same old man working the door that you used to flirt with when you were younger. He now feels sorry for you and lets you in for free telling you "oh honey.. you're still my favorite", only to then hear him tell the 60 year old granny behind you the same line. This is the age of bitterness, lonely nights, and and a few more cocktails than you should have had. You tend to be looking for something more serious at this age instead of what's going to allow you something for free, (chickens). Lucky for me, I have Christophe. No need for bitterness, I just smack them and tell the little chickens to move out of the way when their little shirtless self is hogging the bar getting free drinks and I can't get up there to buy my own. (I'm not bitter)
Next.. we have the 40-50 year olds.. Here is where things get straaannggeee.. for some reason these guys fall right back into the "Chicken" stage. They run around the bar with their shirts off trying to get guys to buy them drinks, but only this time they actually look like total losers. Everyone in the bar usually looks away in horror at the sight, and hands the free drink over to the actual chickens.. Leaving them to spend their hard earned money on buying their own drinks this time.
Then we come to the last stage in the Homosexual bar cycle, Rotten Cheese! This stage applies to the guys over 60, who normally just sit around at the bar doing nothing but getting older, just like rotten cheese. They will buy a chicken a drink now and then only to watch the young clucker run the other way when the bartender points out who bought the drink. These guys are what everyone from Chicken to Pork try NOT to become. In order to skip this stage you need to get into art, leave the bar scene, and go watch a bunch of musicals to give yourself something else to do!..
So, as you can see, the “Barnyard Bar of Homosexuality” is a strange and constantly changing community. Maybe one day we can knock down the fences and everyone from chicken to rotten cheese can live happily ever after...
~thanks for reading~
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