Well well well.. I've been working out, eating the right foods and guess what?? I've lost 4 pounds since Sept. 1st. I'm really loving this new and improved me. I find myself making better food choices and longing for my daily workout. I've tried things like this in the past but have never been as inspired to continue as I am right now. (lets hope I keep up this momentum)

Time for change

So, it's been quite some time since my last post. I thought I would just leave things that have happened during the last few months where they are, I won't bore you with all the details of what's been going on. I'll start with what's is going on now, and will be going on from now on. :) As many of my friends know, I am not happy with the way I look. I have gained weight over the last few years and it's really beginning to bother me. I've noticed that I've become a very unhappy person because of this, and it's constantly on my mind. I admit to being rather lazy, and yes... I know that nothing will change until I get up and make the change myself. So, that's what I'm going to do! I've done things like this before, convince myself that I'm going to be all sexy in a couple of months, only to slack off and go back to my old ways (which caused me to gain in the first place). But I've had enough of that! It's time for me to take my body back! I will "try" to do weekly posts as to my successes and my (hopefully not to many) failures. But what I'm going to need the most is support. I can talk the talk all day, but if I have friends and family behind me pushing me to succeed then my chanced of slacking off are slim to none;) There will be lots of sweat, fruit, and I'm sure tears.. but I will make this change in my life. Thanks for the help.. thanks for reading... and thanks for spreading the word about my new life long adventure. Besos Michael

Orchestral Adventures

I’m sure you remember my post about the horrible orchestra that my friend Linnea and I played in. Well, as you remember I’m sure, she left me to play for a much much better orchestra... Funny how things can turn for the better. They’re going to allow me to play for them as well! Starting this month I will now be playing with an orchestra that’s actually good! They’re three bassoonist so we have to swap out on some pieces, but hey, at least it’s something! We have three concerts between now and January. The first being on Nov. 25th, second on Dec.2 and the third on Dec. 16th. The last two concerts are going to be quite interesting.. The first concert in Dec. they are going to video some of the performance to use for commercials that will advertise our second concert in December. On the 16th, the TV channel here in Madrid called “Telemadrid” is going to record the concert to be shown on TV here in Spain!!.. I’ll be playing Dvorak’s Symphony No.9 (New world). I’m super excited!!

I’ll be heading back to the US after my second concert in December. I’m hoping I’ll be back in NC on the 17th or 18th.

New year, new school, NO patience!

So, I’ve started teaching at a different school, one closer to my house. The new school is big change from what I was used to in Guadarrama (school from last year). The school in Guadarrama is what in the US we would call Elementary and Middle School. I miss my little kids who loved to play games and sing songs about English and color pictures... The ones who would give me a hug every time I walked into class... The ones that would ask if they could give me a kiss on the cheek at the end of the week... You get the picture, I miss my little babies.
Changing schools was something I couldn’t avoid as the program that I currently work for only allows you to do this job for two years. In September of every year, there are people that don’t show up in Spain to do the job, so they have openings. This is where I come in :o). Since I have a work and residency visa, the Communidad de Madrid (the people I work for) have little to no paperwork for me to do this job. So I walk in, say hi, and they give me the school that the other person (the one that didn’t show up) was assigned to. This is how I am able to do this job for a third year.
The problem this year, is that they have placed me in a High School!.. thats right... ahhhh.... the dreaded teenagers! This is a HUGE change from what I’m used to. The plus side to this is that I’m able to work in classes other than English and Science (like the last two years). This year I’m actually working in Music classes, Physical Education, Art, Technology, and Science. This would seem to be a GREAT change, except the part where I have to work with teenagers. I’ll keep you up to date on anything interesting that happens.

Summer Heat!

Well.. Austria was a great success. I was able to see friends from last year and make some new ones. We had a great time making music, eating, and drinking. I can't wait for next year!

Things have been rather busy since classes ended in June. We took a trip to Morocco in June which was very interesting. The food was AMAZING! I couldn't get enough of the chicken Tangine's, so tasty. We stayed in Marrakesh for a couple days then headed to Agadir for a couple more. Agadir is right on the coast, and was "ok". I think I prefer Mallorca Spain much more :)

After returning from Morocco, a friend of mine Norma arrived here in Madrid for a week of running around sightseeing. I took her all over Madrid, and I think we ate just about everything here too. She was here for about 5 days then we had to leave for Austria. We decided that we would drive so we could visit a few places along the way. The first night we stopped in Barcelona (which I didn't like so much), then we moved on to Nice France (a little to snobby for me), after Nice we carried on to Verona Italy (I LOVED IT). I honestly think I could pick up and move to Italy and be a very very happy man. We had sooooo much food in Italy. I think I had pizza and pasta 3 times a day.

Austria was amazing.. (way to much to say.. so I'll keep it simple) amazing.

YouTube - So.. I have this YouTube account and have NO idea what to do with it. I have only 2 videos posted so far. One is for the "It Gets Better" project, and the other is for National Coming Out Day. I have a few ideas, but nothing is set in stone yet.. Do any of you have ideas? Leave me a comment!

The last few months *sigh*

First lets start with an update from my last post.
Since my last posting, some of my friends on Xbox have learned of my being gay, and all is well in the Call of Duty world!.. We've had lots of fun with our little inside joke. I've never noticed when playing CoD that there're soooooo many things people say that can mean "other" things. Now that my friends know about me, I seem to notice them giving a little giggle here and there when someone makes on of "those" comments. We have a good laugh and say "if they only knew".
Something funny happened (a couple times now). I was playing with a friend (Call of Duty of course) and someone was getting mad because of how amazing we are.. and started calling names. OF course the first thing they say is.. "FAG!".. and our response "...... and?" or "wow.. you really nailed that one".. etc. Lots of fun.

The Fall
Back in April the school where I work was having a charity run. This is one of those things where the kids run around this dirt track on the playground and raise money for needy kids. WELL.. at the end of the day, it's the teachers and parents turn. So.. here we go, running... and running... and then.. I find myself falling... and falling... When I hit the ground I heard a loud pop sound, and thought that my head had hit a rock. I stood up and rubbed my head looking for blood, I didn't want the kids to see me bleeding. (The little ones would freak out) I didn't feel anything but as soon as I finished rubbing my head I could tell something was wrong, waaay wrong.
I walked to the finish line rubbing my now sore shoulder, and noticed a crazy bone sticking up. Realizing that I had broken my collarbone, I walked right into the nurses office along with lots of teachers helping. After a very VERY long wait, the ambulance arrived and took me to the hospital.
Thus began the painful road to recovery.
I'm feeling much better now and have little pain. It just stinks that this happened the last day of school before leaving for a 10 day vacation (Easter).

June, the month of sad goodbyes
This month will be my last month in my current school. I have loved every minute of being there, and the teachers are some of the most amazing teachers I've ever met. Two of the classes that I have this year I have been with for two years, and one of them every single day for 2 years. These kids have changed my life, and I love every one of them. They show me so much love every day I'm with them, and I hope I do the same for them.
The last day of school is June 24th. This will be one of the hardest days of my life. I can't believe I have to say goodbye to "my babies". On the last day I'm going to put them all into shock by speaking spanish with them. They have tried to teach me spanish over the last 2 years and I've always said the words wrong.. to the point that they tell me "Mykel, it's better you only speak Englishh" . So when I show up to class on that last day, walk in and do nothing but speak spanish with them.. they're going to FLIP out!.. I'm going to try and video this, so I can share the fun. I'll let you know how it goes.

July
Well, another summer of music in the Alps is here. I'll be going back to Austria this July for another 10 days of playing music with some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. This year I'll be playing Glinka, and Poulenc. The Poulenc is with a singer and sounds really interesting, I can't wait for that. The Glinka is something that I've wanted to play for a very long time, and finally I have the chance (Pathetic Trio for Clarinet, Bassoon, Piano).
Just before leaving for Austria, a dear friend from that music festival is coming to Madrid for a week long visit. I'll be playing tour guide to the lovely Norma. After our week of exploring Madrid, along with Christophe and Alli, we're driving 19.5 hours to Austria. We'll pick a cute little place along the way to stay for the night. This is going to be such a great road trip!.

ok... I need to go practice!!..

Friends and Xbox

Some of you may know that I love to play Xbox. I've been playing games since the Atari and have been buying gaming systems ever since. Even though they have become more advanced, they've also become more and more expensive. Here's my problem.

Internet gaming is not a very safe/accpting place for people like me (gay). There are many many times when I'm playing online with other people (that I don't know) and I hear some of the most ignorant comments. Gay this.. fag that.. blah blah blah.. It only makes me hunt them down and shoot them more often. (ie: no camping.. run and gun) I know that this is only a video game and that I have no reason to be upset, and honestly I'm not that upset. I know that ignorance is a hard thing to get away from at times. BUT..

What do you do when you become friends with people online and you actually like talking with them and playing games.... do you break that silence and honestly let them get to know you for who you are? or do you keep silent and go with the flow? I've been playing with the same group of guys/girls for over a year know. They're a ton of fun to play with and most times when I log on and none of them are around, I just log off.. I've become friends with 2 of them on facebook and neither of them have mentioned the fact that I'm gay.. do I take that as "they don't care".. or "they haven't noticed" lol.. Either way, I would honestly hate to lose 2 friends because of my sexual orientation, but.. if that were to be a problem, I guess I wouldn't want to be friends anyway.

Something interesting that I ran across was a group called "FWG" (fags with guns). It's a clan that plays Call of Duty and everyone in the clan is gay (and here I thought I was the only queer that loved gaming). I also found a website called "Gaymer". It covers everything dealing with gaming, but for the gay community. It seems as if the gaming world has it's own secret in the closet. :)

~Thanks for reading~

Por Fin!!

So, it's been a while and so much has happened that I have NO clue where to start..
I'll sum up Christmas quickly: It was great to see all of my family and spend time with them, I miss them dearly!

*New addition*
Over the Christmas break we (Christophe and I) adopted my dad's dog Alli. She's the cutest Maltese that you've ever seen and she has added so much to our lives. We wouldn't trade her for anything (or give her back!!).
My Dad and Sarah have moved to Singapore and seem to be enjoying it pretty good! I seem to get random Skype calls at 3am or 4am, but hey.. they're new to all of this. I can't wait to take a trip out and visit!


*Orchestral Adventures*
Since coming back from Christmas break I've become friends with this amazing chick named Linnea. She plays cello and was pointed in my direction by a mutual friend of ours (another great musician Felicia). We met, we talked, and I think we've clicked pretty well.
She told me about a couple of orchestras here in Madrid that she'd heard about, so we decided to check one out. Well.. I must first state that we googled this orchestra and the videos that we watched were.. well... lets just say bad doesn't even come close. Putting our fears and possible revoking of our musician license aside, we went to our first rehearsal.

*First Rehearsal*
Ok, the Director (Conductor) said that we started at 9:30am on Sunday. We got there a little early so that we could talk with him and get settled in before everyone else got there. After sitting there for what seemed an eternity he along with the rest of the Orchestra finally showed their face somewhere around 10am. Linnea and I were rather shocked at the level of Un-professionalizm of the entire group. It looked as if a group of 14 year olds were getting together to play music and no one was in charge. It was very painful to watch/hear. I couldn't play the first rehearsal because I had just had my wisdom tooth pulled 2 days before. The director would raise his baton to start, and everyone would continue to talk.... zero respect..

*First Concert*
So after 2 rehearsals Linnea and I were thrown into a concert where the two of us were sight reading more than half of the concert. We invited NO ONE!.. To our surprise there were quite a few people there, all of which are friends and family of the people playing (except us). The concert went smoothly, as far as people playing the right music. As far as sound.. well.. I don't think I've played in a group this bad since 7th grade band. (no offense to my friends that were in band with me then)

*Sucking it up*
So, after the concert Linnea and I looked at each other and decided that we HAD to find another group to play with. After talking with one of the Bass players we discovered a group that we may be able to play with. After contacting them this was their response.
"Thank you very much for your interest. We already have three fagots but I can take your contact for any program that we might need you. In the other hand, it is easier with your friend. If she wants to play with us, she should make an audition."

Yes, you read that correctly. Three fagots... haha. That is what they call a Bassoon here in Spain "Fagot". After laughing at the email, I realized that Linnea would be leaving me for a much much MUCH better group, and she did :(. I have decided to suck it up and stay with the other group until I can find something better.. Hey.. at least I'm playing something, right?? right??...engh...

More to come soon.. we have a concert next week, I'm sure something will happen worth talking about.. but then again.. probably not.

*Thanks for reading*

Overdue!

So... it's been a while, and so many things have happened. It's been so busy lately and I've really been neglecting this blog and I'm sorry for that. I know the 2 people that actually read it will be happy to know that I'm finally making another posting :)

About a month ago I watched a great movie called "Prayers for Bobby". This movie had such an impact on me, and it made me realize just how lucky I was/am with the family that I have. When I came out/was outed back in 97, my family was feeling hurt, frustrated, confused and many other things. But the one thing they never felt, was that the love for me was gone. They have loved me no matter what I've done and for that I'm so thankful. My mother has supported me and my decisions my entire life, no matter right or wrong, she has stood by me and let me find myself in this life and I love her so much for that. My Dad and Stepmother took a little longer, but they came around rather quickly considering the circumstances, and have now excepted me for who I am and I'm so grateful for that. My family is amazing... each and every one of them. I love them so much and wouldn't change a single one of them.

Also over this time away, I've been spending time with friends, watching new TV shows, and trying to put things in order in my life. It feels as though I'm wondering around with no direction, and I don't like it. I need to start putting my goals and dreams in the forefront, and that starts now! I've started practicing more, and been trying to eat healthy. I've cut out almost all alcohol, with the exception of the occasional drink here and there, and I almost only drink water or juice, and let me tell you.. I feel great!

This is going to be the year of change.

This holiday season (like all others) people are talking about what they're thankful for, and I have so many things. I've already stated how thankful I am for my family so I won't repeat.. (although I think I just did). I'm thankful for Christophe and how through all of my bull-crap he's still hanging around and loves me just as much as he ever has. I'm thankful for my friends. They have to hear me complain when I'm mad and deal with my Xbox rants. They're some pretty amazing people my friends! (thanks for putting up with me :) There're so many other things that I'm not going to bore you with, but know this... I am thankful for every single one of you and love you all dearly! I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Christmas is right around the corner.. make sure you buy me something cute!.. hehe.. just kidding!

National Coming Out Day 2010!!

I just wanted to say congratulations to everyone that's coming out today! I came out 17 years ago, and I can't say that things have been easy, but they have for sure been better! I love being able to wake up every morning and know that I can be myself and not have to worry about what others may think about my lifestyle. Enjoy your day!!.. Live YOUR life!!.. and have a lot of fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y80RJPlcDFE

Much love!

The year has started.

Hello everyone (all 5 of you), another school year has started for me and I couldn't be happier with the classes I have to teach. I have two classes from last year and two new classes of 5 year olds. There have been many changes at the school but I think they'll all work out for the best! I received an email from my bassoon teacher last week, but this I'm not so sure about. He's very young and had we met 6 years ago we'd be playing at the same level. It is nice to have goals to meet every week but as far as a teacher... he's not that great. He spends a lot of time talking about himself/personal life, and when it comes to music, he's only taught me one thing in the 3 months that we've been having lessons. I'd like to study with his teacher at the Royal Conservatory of Music here in Madrid, but how do I ask? I talked to some people this summer at AKM (alpenkammermusik.com) about this and had some good ideas thrown at me, but I think I'm to nice/shy/I don't know what... to even bring it up with him. As far as learning goes, I'm getting nothing. I haven't responded to his email yet because I need to figure out what I'm going to do. I looked for so long last year to find a teacher here in Madrid and never could find anything, this guy was the ONLY person that I even found that played bassoon. It seems that most of the teachers in Madrid won't even let the schools give out their information to prospective students. Things are sooooo different here. I know that I need lessons (that's for sure) to get back into shape, I just don't know where to find a "good" teacher! We won't even talk about reeds... *sigh*.....

It Gets Better!

I'll start off by saying that High School was by far the worst time of my life! I didn't "know" that I was gay until my senior year but everyone else seemed to know way before I did.
When I was a junior I started getting bullied every single day. It all started with six guys in my math class that I was taking with some friends of mine from marching band. I would walk into class and within seconds hear "look.. the fag just walked in".. or "the drag queens here today" ... or "hey fag, you.. I know you hear me..." to which I ignored and walked to my seat. They would ram into me as I walked in, and throughout class I'd have paper, pencils, and even gum thrown at me. All of which I just ignored and tried to do my work. These types of things would go on the entire year! It was like I was being punished for something that at the time I was trying to fight. (my being gay) I had girlfriends, but that didn't seem to stop them. After a few months of this I was reaching a breaking point mentally. Getting ready for school I'd be crying my eyes out because I didn't want to go to school. I was literally going crazy with rage and hate for these guys and myself. I tried my hardest to ignore them, but nothing ever seemed to work. I couldn't get them to stop. One day I reached such a low point that while in class listening to them, I was about to have a complete breakdown. I asked the teacher if I could leave class and go talk to the "counselor" at the school. As I'm waiting for him to finish with another student I could feel myself breaking... I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. When he finally asked me into his office, before I could even sit down I lost it. I was out of control.. I couldn't stop crying.. all I wanted was help! I honestly thought that he would help, but instead, like everyone else in my High School there was never any help. Just an "I'll look into it", that always resulted in nothing being done. I had to deal with this on my own for the rest of the year.
After having a bad junior year I thought that my senior year would be much better since everyone would be leaving soon and trying to mend friendships and getting ready for the next step in their lives. Boy was I wrong.
Early in my senior year I broke up with my girlfriend and decided that the feelings of being gay were feelings that I just couldn't ignore any longer. I tried to push them away and they would only grow stronger. It was my senior year that would prove to the be hardest year of my life. I was dealing with so many things and on top of all the emotional problems of me being gay, I had to deal with the bullying. In November of that year I started dating my first boyfriend. This was something that I had never thought possible. I had never even held a guys hand before much less kissed one. This was all new to me and very very confusing.
In my junior year it was math class. In my senior year it was marine biology. There were two guys that every single day would talk to me about how they're going to "jump my faggot ass after school and beat the shit out of me".. I heard these words every day. They would give me evil looks, and taunt me constantly. One of the guys was my ex-girlfriends new boyfriend, so that didn't help the situation. He would call me a faggot in one sentence and in the next say how I would never get her back (the ex). So as you can see, he was just wanting to be mad about something or at least have a reason to threaten me. This went on for a very long time. It was driving me down this very dark road. I was taking a knife to school every single day, and even having thoughts about suicide. You see.. it wasn't JUST the bullying that I was having such a problem with. It was the fact that it didn't matter who I told at the school about the problem, none of the faculty would do anything about it. It was as if they wanted me to be bullied, taunted, and come to school every day scared to death. Some faculty were even pulling my friends out of class to ask them if I were gay!
On top of the bad experiences I was having at school I was also dealing with some problems with my new found gayness. You see, my first boyfriend ended up being the worst thing that could have happened to me. He was very abusive. He would tell me that I was ugly, fat, and that if I ever broke up with him there was no man that would ever want to date me. He was physically abusive, raped me approx. 20 times, and took advantage of me anyway he could. I became anorexic, only eating reduced fat wheat thins that he bought for me. Some of my friends at school would see the bruises and I would them they were hickies. This relationship lasted about 6 months, and would ultimately cause me to be outed to my family. Back in school things were the same with my bullies. I was reaching that low point where I was trying to think of ways to make it all stop. I thought about actually using the knife. I thought about ending my life to make everything just go away. I finally went to one of the counselors at the school again. This time things would end up even worse than the last. I went into his office and told him about one of the guys that were giving me such a hard time. He had ME go and pull the guy out of class and bring him to the office. On my way to get him I couldn't stop thinking about what this was going to cause. Would I be using my knife, would I be stabbing another student, or would I just run off and end it all. These things were flashing through my mind as I walked in and informed the teacher that he would need to be coming with me.
As we're walking down the hall he's telling me that he can't believe I would do this and that this means I'd be getting the "shit beat out of me". We walked into the office and the counselor asks what the problem is, first turing to me. As I explain that I have no problems with this guy, and that he seems to constantly have a problem with me and that I've never done anything to him. I told him how he and his friend threaten me every day, and how I come to school every day scared to death. I also said that for some reason he thinks I want my ex-girfriend back, and I don't! Then it's his turn. He talks about how my ex and I broke up and how I've always wanted her back blah blah blah.. (not true) and then he says something that made me turn snow white. He told the counselor that I'm a "fucking faggot" and that I have and "older" boyfriend, that everyone knows about it. You could see the shock on my face as the counselor turns to me and asks "well... is it true? Are you a faggot?" Here is the one person that could have made all of this better, and he's only making things worse. I couldn't believe that I had trusted this man to help me and then he turns and asks me this question. He turned to the bully and tells him that he can go back to class. Then turns back to me. "boy, I asked you a question. Are you a faggot, are you gay? I need to know the truth" I told him no... and walked out thinking my life was over...
It took a lot of time but my dark feelings actually went away and started getting better and for some reason the bullying seemed to ease off a bit. The end of the year was getting ever so close and I ended my relationship with the abusive ex-boyfriend. My world started to look a little better. By the time the school year ended I was feeling much better and taking more control of my life. I was out to my family and friends, and moving on with my life. Things were/are never easy, but over time they get easier and easier. I learned how to deal with the negative comments, and see my life in a brighter light.
My advise to anyone going through what I've had to go through is this. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and say to yourself, "I am strong, I am who I am, and I am beautiful" Love yourself even when you think no one else does. Turn to those that love you for help. Always know that there are people who have been through the same things you're going through, and all of them will tell you that IT GETS BETTER!

Trust me, I would know.

Much love and many kisses!

I'm Back!.. :)

Hi, well.. it's me again... I've been away for a while now due to traveling and vacations. I along with Christophe and some of his family went to Austria for a chamber music festival where I performed with some amazing people. We had such a great time! I made some wonderful friends and can't wait to go back next year!

After the festival we went to the U.S. (North Carolina) for my brothers wedding. It was a great week at home, seeing family and watching my little brother get married :) . They wouldn't let me be the flower girl, but other than that everything went along very nicely. After about a week and a half in NC we took our travels to Salt Lake City UT where we lived prior to moving to Madrid. It was nice being able to catch up with old friends and new. We had a cookout at the house and had a great time sitting around the small fire pit talking and eating some amazing burgers! (thanks honey) All of this is why I haven't been able to post anything lately :(

In the coming week I'll be doing another post reflecting my experiences in school growing up gay. That was such a difficult time in my life, and I'd like to share my "story" This will be in response to Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" project on youtube. I'll also be making a video to post on youtube encouraging young LGBT youth to keep their head up in a tough world, that it will only get better for them. There are many young people out there that are committing suicide every year because they have no one to talk to, or turn to. There is hope, and it will only get better!

Much love, and many kisses..

~michael~

Chicken, Pork, Rotten Cheese, and Jailbait!

I've been noticing lately how my body is changing a LOT. As you get older I've noticed things tend to be sore a little longer, or you get pains for no reason. When I think about the "Gay Bar" lifestyle there are many changes there as well.

Take for instance, when you're about 15 to 17 years old. People in the "gay world" refer to you as "Jailbait". Meaning if they touch.. it's off to jail.! I guess thats a great name seeing how it foretells your future if you should be so stupid to mess around with someone so young!.. Honestly.. what are the benefits? You get some kid who falls in love with you, then begins nagging about wanting to go see the newest comedy about being in High School, then he gets jealous when you have to go to work and you can't take him to the mall only to then walk around like some lost soul in search of a new pair of shoes... Really... People who go for the jailbait deserve what they get!. Papa Jones in the cell next to you talking about how you're his new Jailbait. Get over it guys..

That brings me to the next cycle in the bar evolution of a new homosexual.. the "Chicken". NOW.. Here is where the lines blurrrr. People consider a "chicken" to be someone who is 18 (legal) to about 20 something. Thats where the line is blurred. No one really knows the real age of no longer being a chicken, but who cares? At this age you learn the rules of getting into clubs free (by flirting with the older guy at the door), getting free drinks (by flirting and pretending to be stupid.. guys love that) and then the art of being able to dance around with your shirt off and no one ever telling you that you look like a total whore, Why?.. because he's a chicken.. young, dumb, and .. well I won't finish that line. You get the idea that being a "Chicken" is the era of getting things for free.

The next stage is the stage that I'm currently living.. the "Pork" stage 30-40.. meaning, we have to scrounge around snorting our noses up at the young little Chickens that seem to get everything that we "used" to get. At our age, we MIGHT be able to get into a bar for free but ONLY if it's the same old man working the door that you used to flirt with when you were younger. He now feels sorry for you and lets you in for free telling you "oh honey.. you're still my favorite", only to then hear him tell the 60 year old granny behind you the same line. This is the age of bitterness, lonely nights, and and a few more cocktails than you should have had. You tend to be looking for something more serious at this age instead of what's going to allow you something for free, (chickens). Lucky for me, I have Christophe. No need for bitterness, I just smack them and tell the little chickens to move out of the way when their little shirtless self is hogging the bar getting free drinks and I can't get up there to buy my own. (I'm not bitter)

Next.. we have the 40-50 year olds.. Here is where things get straaannggeee.. for some reason these guys fall right back into the "Chicken" stage. They run around the bar with their shirts off trying to get guys to buy them drinks, but only this time they actually look like total losers. Everyone in the bar usually looks away in horror at the sight, and hands the free drink over to the actual chickens.. Leaving them to spend their hard earned money on buying their own drinks this time.

Then we come to the last stage in the Homosexual bar cycle, Rotten Cheese! This stage applies to the guys over 60, who normally just sit around at the bar doing nothing but getting older, just like rotten cheese. They will buy a chicken a drink now and then only to watch the young clucker run the other way when the bartender points out who bought the drink. These guys are what everyone from Chicken to Pork try NOT to become. In order to skip this stage you need to get into art, leave the bar scene, and go watch a bunch of musicals to give yourself something else to do!..

So, as you can see, the “Barnyard Bar of Homosexuality” is a strange and constantly changing community. Maybe one day we can knock down the fences and everyone from chicken to rotten cheese can live happily ever after...

~thanks for reading~

First post...

So.. here we go. Heading down this road of unknown, with eyes wide open. I have no clue what this blog/diary will become or what I'll even say here. All I know is that I'm a person that usually has a lot to say, about many different things. I guess I should start by telling a little about myself....

I'm 31 years old, I grew up in North Carolina just north of Charlotte, and I'm queer. The last thing didn't come to reality until I was 17 and was outed to my parents by a close friend (aka: the short heifer that ran her mouth to much and should have been sent away to a desert island and tied down and devoured by small little creatures that would then vomit her up only to then be buried under a huge mound of manure). She actually did me a favor *sigh*. By getting everything out there for my family and I to deal with THEN, it allowed us to kind of grow in this together. I had NO clue what my life was going to be like, and if what I went through in High School was any indication I DIDN'T WANT IT!! As I found out.. I had no choice. I tried many times to be "straight". I had girlfriends that never worked out. I tried to "act" straight, that also never worked out. (btw.. I'm not a big o'l queen or anything, just not the average butch straight man). I've been about every stereotype of gay man you can think of, from super gay, to really queeny and found that just being... just being myself is what has worked out the best. I hope in this blog to tell you more about my experiences as a gay man, and all ups and downs that involves.. stay tuned, mucho mas to come!